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The Sushi Connection/Script
and Joanie are making out at a table by the Squeeze. Caitlin is there bored, talking on the phone. Caitlin: a sigh "I thought once I got a job here I'd have cute guys asking me out all the time." Jen: "Caitlin, be patient. This mall is practically crawling with cute guys." Caitlin: "Like any guy's gonna notice me in this butt-ugly uniform." and Yummy Mummy come by. Stanley: "You've got a big lemon on your head." shoots her and runs off. Caitlin: "Ow! I hate this stupid job." notices a cute guy with a tennis racket. "Oh!" Kyle's Buddy: "See you later, Kyle." Kyle's Friend: "Yeah, bye, buddy." Caitlin: "Oh no, Kyle's coming over!" Jen: "Kyle? Hot tennis boy Kyle? The one with the cute butt?" Caitlin: under the counter "Yes! What should I do?" Jen: "Okay. Calm down. You can do this! Just be yourself. Oh! And pretend he's just another customer." Caitlin: "Just another customer, just another customer, okay." up and turns around "Hi, can I have you? Uh-uh I mean–" Kyle: "Yeah, I'll have my usual." Caitlin: "As usual, but that's why you call it your usual, isn't it? You know, that's a funny word, usual, don't you think?" Kyle: "Uh...I'm kinda in a hurry?" Caitlin: the drink "Coming right up!" herself "Aw, I'm such a loser!" turns around and grins nervously at Kyle. She then turns on the blender. Unfortunately, she forgot to put on the lid, and a geyser of lemon juice sprays into her face. Caitlin: "Ah! Stop! Stop!" on the blender "How do you make this thing stop?!?" blender mercifully shuts off, leaving Caitlin covered in lemon pulp. She turns around and sees Kyle in the same situation. Kyle looks at her angrily and storms off. Caitlin picks up her phone again and whimpers. Jen: "Was that as bad as it sounded?" breaks out in tears. ---- The opening credits roll. The title of this episode is '''The Sushi Connection' ---- ''gang, with the exception of Jonesy, is gathered around the table. Jason and Joanie are still making out. Jude is eating a hamburger. Jonesy arrives, clad in a white lab coat. Jonesy: "Sup?" Jude: "Hey man, what's with the lab coat?" Jonesy: "You're looking at the newest beauty consultant for Huntington's Department Store." sheds the coat. "It's a totally chick-centric job. High-end babes, all day long." Nikki: "Chick-centric is not a word." Jonesy: "Sorry. Female-centric." opens his lunch: a box of sushi. He begins to eat. Jude: "Dude, that's so gross. How can you eat sushi?" takes a bite, and the table recoils. Caitlin: "Yuck! I don't even like cooked fish!" Nikki: "It really is revolting." Wyatt: "Have you ever actually tried it?" Nikki: "No. But I don't need to try the public bathrooms here to know that they're disgusting." Wyatt: "Fine. Live in ignorance. But at least I know what I'm eating. Those fries probably aren't even made out of real potatoes." Jude: "Yeah, but you gotta love 'em." sniffs one and makes a proclamation. "The soul cannot live by nutrition alone!" eats the fry. "Mark my words, dude. Mark my words." Nikki: Caitlin "Kyle come by?" Caitlin: a seat "It's official. He'll never ask me out. I'll always just be the big loser in the lemon hat. I bet he'd be a great kisser, too." at Jason and Joanie "Look. They're so in love." Nikki: "It's so gross! Yuch. Promise me you'll never turn into them." Caitlin: "Ah, don't worry. I'll probably never even get a date!" Jen: "Of course you will!" Caitlin: "Easy for you to say. You work in Boyville over there! Guys are always asking you out!" Jonesy: "Hey, if Boyville's a word then so is chick-centric." Jen: "I happen to know that Kyle demoed a racket and it's due back this afternoon. As soon as he comes by I'll call you, and we'll do an accidental on-purpose bump-into. It'll be perfect!" Caitlin: "Yes! But what if he doesn't ask me out?" Nikki: "Then you ask him out." Caitlin: "Mmm...do guys like that?" Jonesy: "I think I speak for all guys when I say absofrickinlutely!" Jude: "It'd be a pretty cool move." Nikki: up "Oh, I'd love to stay, but I'm late for a jean-folding seminar. If I'm still working there in two years, just put me out of my misery, okay?" Jude: "You got it!" Caitlin: "Oh this is so going to work! You're the best!" Jen: "I know." ---- is waiting outside a dressing room. She yawns and checks her reflection. A fat nerdy girl pushes her out of the way. Nikki: "Oh, that's just so wrong. Here." begins to untuck the girl's shirt. Chrissy: "Excuse me." Nikki away "Nikki, can I have a word with you?" Nikki: "Yes? I'm trying to help a customer?" Chrissy: her eyes "Right. And you're supposed to tell them they look terrific. And that an everyday vest would compliment that look. It's called upselling?" Nikki: "But she–or–he looks like a total loser! She's got hungry butt!" Chrissy: "We have a way of doing things here? It's all written in the Khaki Barn handbook." Kristen: up with a doorstopper "I've got my copy right here if you need it! It's highlighted!" Nikki: "No, that's fine." grabs the vest and goes off to lie to the customer. "Like, wow, that looks terrific on you! Oh, you know what would tie it all together, huh? The everyday vest!" looks at Chrissy, and Chrissy nods. ---- is trying to fit some ski boots onto a customer. Penalty Box Customer: "Are they supposed to be this tight? They're kind of cutting my circulation off a little." closes the boots and spots Kyle. She gets up, ignoring the customer, who falls over into the pile of skis. Caitlin: the phone "Hello?" Jen: "Juice Boy in store, repeat, Juice Boy in store. Get down here!" gets behind the counter so she can service Kyle. "Hi there! Here to return a racket?" Kyle: "You got it." the food court, Caitlin swiftly removes her hat and apron and closes the Big Squeeze. She then bolts for the sports store. Kyle: "Yeah, my coach thinks I might play on the tour one day." Jen: "Really? Wow. That's amazing, Kyle." skids to a halt behind Kyle. "Caitlin! What a coincidence. You know Kyle, right? He was just telling me all about his wicked backhand." Caitlin: "Really? I love tennis." Jen: "Oh yeah! Caitlin's amazing on that court." Penalty Box Customer: "Excuse me, miss? I could use a little help here." mannequin falls on him. "Ow." Jen: "In a minute, sir. So Caitlin, you were saying?" Caitlin: with the racket "This new–this new racket is really um, twirly. What do you think of–" racket flies out of her hands and bashes Kyle, who collapses. Caitlin and Jen look down at him. Jen: "Ooh. That had to hurt." Kyle: up "Aah! Ow! Aah!" Caitlin: "Ooh, are you okay? I burned your smoothie, now I burned your forehead, oh, I'm like destroying your whole day!" Kyle: up "That lemon girl was you?" Jen: "I know! Why don't you two go on a date? Tonight!" Kyle: fully lucid "Uh, sure. That'd be cool." Jen: "Great. You can meet here. How's eight o'clock?" Caitlin: "Sure." Kyle: off dazed "Sounds good." Jen: "Be sure to put ice on that head!" Caitlin: "Eeeee! I have a date with Kyle!" Jen "You're the best friend in the whole world!" Jen: "I told you it'd work." Caitlin: a reverie "Oh, wasn't he so cool about me hitting him on the head with his racket? This is gonna be the best date ever!" gasping "I have nothing to wear!" plotting "Okay. My shift is over in an hour, that leaves me exactly four hours to find the perfect date with Kyle outfit. Gotta run!" speeds off, accidentally knocking the customer down as she leaves. "Sorry!" Penalty Box Customer: "Aww-oh." ---- Kristen: customers as they walk into the Khaki Barn "Welcome to the Khaki Barn! Have a Khaki day!" Kristen and Kirsten are at work folding shirts. Nikki sighs. Kristen: to Nikki's folding "You're doing it wrong!" Kirsten: "Yeah, and we don't mean that in a good way? You're supposed to fold it like this." Nikki: "Bite me." gasp. Kristen: "You're a disgrace to the Khaki Code of Conduct!" Nikki: "And you're a pain in my butt." Chrissy: over to them "Girls, there's an emergency and I have to run. Which means I'm going to have to leave one of you three in charge." Kristen and Kirsten: "EEEE!" clap. Chrissy: the assistant manager tag to Kristen "I've chosen you to replace me." Kristen: "Eee! Yes!" Nikki: "What? You're leaving Kirsten in charge? She's a half-wit!" Kristen: offended "I'm Kristen, not Kirsten!" Nikki: "Whatever, she can't run a store. If anyone should be left in charge here it should be me." Chrissy: "It's a lot of responsibility." Nikki: "Yeah. Those ribbed T-shirts can really get out of control." Chrissy: "Fine." gives Nikki the tag. "I don't have time to argue about this. But if anything goes wrong, it's your butt." leaves, and Kristen gasps. Nikki pins the tag to her shirt. Nikki: chuckling "This is going to be fun." ---- is drinking a soda with her feet up on the checkout counter. Jonesy is with her reading a magazine. A redhead comes out of the dressing room. Redhead: "Does this dress make me look fat?" ignores her for a few seconds before looking up. Nikki: "Yes." customer angrily reenters the dressing room. Nikki calls to her coworkers. Nikki: "Let's see some folding! Move! Move! I want to bounce quarters off those sweaters!" Kirsten: "We don't think you're doing a very good job." Kristen: "Yeah! You just, like, told that girl the truth! It doesn't say anything about that in the Khaki Barn handbook! And we didn't sell the dress!" Kirsten: "You're like the Khaki–nator!" Nikki: "Oh, good one! The Khakinator, oh, I like that. Now get to work." Kristen: "Whatever you say, ass man!" Nikki: "That's assistant manager. I could fire you for that, you know." signals towards the tag. Jonesy laughs. Jonesy: "Your nametag says 'ass man.'" Nikki: "Shut up!" and Kirsten giggle. Nikki's phone rings, and she picks up. Caitlin: "Hey! I'm in the middle of a serious fashion crisis! I've been to twenty stores and I can't find anything to wear on my date!" Nikki: "Tell me again why you're buying a new outfit for a perfect stranger?" Caitlin: "Kyle is not a stranger! I've had a crush on him for like, four months now, plus he always sees me in that dorky lemon outfit! I want to look extra not-dorky tonight! My entire future prom date is riding on this!" Jonesy: the phone "Cait, meet me at Huntington's in an hour. They got all their new spring stuff in today, we'll find you something." Caitlin: gasping "The spring line?" Jonesy: "Yeah, that. Meet me there in an hour, and I'll hook you up." Caitlin: "Oh, thank you, Jonesy, thank you thank you!" hang up. Nikki: "Well, now that that's settled, I've got a nap to take in the storeroom." Arnold Schwarzenegger "I'll be back." ---- is in a dressing room, trying on clothes. Jonesy waits outside. Caitlin: "So how's the new job going?" Jonesy: "Are you kidding? I'm around nothing but women all day! It's the best job I've ever had!" steps out in a pink dress. "Whoa." Caitlin: "Oh, I love it! It's perfect!" Jonesy: awed "Whoa. You look–hot." Caitlin: the tag and gasping "That's more than I make in like, a month! Ugh. I can't even afford half of it." Jonesy: "Can't you charge it?" Caitlin: "No, my parents took away all my credit cards, remember? Wait! My mom has an account here! I could charge it to that!" Jonesy: "You just said they took your cards away." Caitlin: "Duh. I don't have to show my card here, they know me!" pausing "Oh, but wait. My parents'll get the bill at the end of the month! It's hopeless." Jonesy: "There is one way you could wear that dress tonight." Caitlin: excited "There is? What?" a caveat "Nothing illegal, Jonesy." Jonesy: "Easy. What I was going to say is there's a seven-day return policy here?" Caitlin: "...yeah?" Jonesy: "So buy the dress, wear it on your date, return it tomorrow morning." Caitlin: "So I get to wear the dress tonight..." Jonesy: "And you don't have to worry about paying for it later. No harm, no foul." Caitlin: "Ah! That's brilliant! But won't they know it's been worn?" Jonesy: "Just leave the tags on, they'll never know the difference. I'll process the return myself. Just try not to get anything on it." Caitlin: "Don't worry. I'll take perfect care of it." Jonesy: "Alright then. Let's ring this baby up." Caitlin: "Yay!" ---- the Penalty Box, Caitlin is showing off her new outfit to Jen. Caitlin: "Okay. What do you think?" Jen: "You look amazing, Cait." Caitlin: "It's a Crispy Couture original." Jen: "Wow. You must really like this guy to blow your whole month's salary on a dress." Caitlin: "That's the best part! I'm just borrowing it. I'm gonna wear it tonight and return it tomorrow. It's a totally brilliant plan!" Jen: "It's not totally brilliant, it's totally stupid! What if you get caught?" Caitlin: her "Ooh, he's probably got something super romantic planned! Like a dinner at Fruzzutoni's, and maybe a romantic comedy...do you think he'll kiss me goodnight?" walks through the doors. Jen hands Caitlin her purse. Jen: "Okay, girl. Time to get your game on." Kyle: Caitlin "Hey. How's it going?" Caitlin: "Great!" allows herself to be led off. Jen: "Have fun! Don't forget to get some tips about his backhand!" to herself "I'm good." Caitlin and Kyle leave the store, they pass Wyatt and Jonesy. Caitlin: "Hey guys." Wyatt: "Hey." Jonesy: "Whassup." few seconds later "I know that guy from somewhere." find Jen. Wyatt: "Hey. We're gonna go catch a movie. Wanna come?" Jen: "Can't. I'm pulling a double shift today. Did you see her face? She's on a date with Kyle and I'' made it all happen!" '''Jonesy:' his head and then figuring it out "Kyle? I knew I knew that dude! Hold on. That's the guy Caitlin's going out with? He's a total player!" Jen: "Kyle?!?" Jonesy: "Kyle Donaldson. He scored four cheerleaders and the coach's daughter in one summer." Jen: "Kyle is Dirty Donaldson!?!?" Wyatt: "Wow. I thought he was just an urban legend." Jen: worried "All the girls in soccer camp knew about him. He wasn't even allowed on the grounds. And I just set Caitlin up with him!" Jonesy: sarcastic "Nice going Jen." Jen: "Listen up. You two are not going to a movie. You're following them on their date and making sure Caitlin's okay. And don't get caught!" two nod. "GO!" Jonesy and Wyatt: saluting "Sir yes sir!" ---- and Kyle are at Super Terrific Happy Sushi. Jonesy and Wyatt are a table away, spying on them. Caitlin: "So, do they serve like, hamburgers here?" Kyle: "Don't worry. You'll love it." Jonesy: the menu he's hiding behind "Oh, gross! This is a sushi restaurant!" Wyatt: "What was your first clue? Just order something or we'll get kicked out. They make excellent sashimi!" Jonesy: "It's called sushi, dork." stares at him, appalled by his stupidity. Kyle: "Aw, check it out. They're making our food right now." sprinkles some food into the water of the fish tank before raising his hand. Hiro: "Soshite, ikimashou!" {And, let's go!} grabs a fish and rips it out of the water. He then tosses it on the counter and unsheathes his katana. Fish: a pitiful voice "Aaah!" Caitlin: shocked "Aaah!" laughs. Hiro whips the fish into the air, slices it up in midair, and catches it on a platter. Jonesy stares, amazed. Wyatt: "He uses the Wu Tang method. Interesting." trundles over to Caitlin and Kyle's table with the dish. He puts it down. Hiro: "Hai! Douzo." {Yes, here you go.} stares at the dead fish. "Tabemashou." {Let's eat.} Caitlin: "Oh, okay." uses her fork to select a piece of fish. She picks it up, revolted, and stuffs it into her mouth. Her initial reaction is a gag, but she pastes on a fake smile and swallows. Hiro: "Doumo. Doumo arigato." {Thank you very much.} Jonesy: "Aw! That's sick!" dials his phone. Caitlin: a piece "This looks vegetabley." eats it. Kyle: "No! That's wasabi!" Wyatt: "Oh no. She didn't just do what I think she did." pupils shrink and her eyes fill with water. It spills out and her mascara runs. Her face turns red, and she spits out the food. She collapses in a smoldering heap as her date looks on laughing. Kyle: "I can't believe you ate that! Here, here, eat some more fish. It'll take the sting away." shoves a bite in her mouth. Caitlin: a full mouth "Good." comes over with Jonesy's food. Hiro: "Douzo." looks at it. A fin wiggles. Jonesy: "Dude! Mine's still alive!" Hiro: away "Ah, sou! Baka no teenager!" {Idiotic teenager!} Wyatt: "Don't be stupid–" Jonesy: him "I swear, man, it moved!" Jude: "Hola, mi amigos!" is in a snazzy sombrero and poncho, holding out fries. Whispering "Got the emergency fries message. I don't think they recognized me." Jonesy: the fries "Nice." a bite "Oh yeah. That's good." Wyatt: "What message?" Jonesy: "Text messaging. Live it, love it." Jude: the sushi "Gross. No wonder you called." hi-fives Jonesy. ---- Kristen: shoppers "Welcome to the Khaki Barn! Have a Khaki day!" the store is bustling. Nikki is frustrated, while Kirsten isn't having any problems. Nikki: "Where did all these people come from!" Kirsten: "It's the midseason's Midnight Madness sale today! Didn't you check the schedule?" Nikki: "What schedule? We don't have a schedule!" points to it. "Ugh!" phone rings. "WHAT?" Jen: "It's me. Have you heard anything from the boys yet?" Nikki: "Not yet–can I just say this entire town has gone crazy. Everyone is shopping here!" a cowboy "Don't you have any style of your own? Everyone has those!" Cowboy: "I know. That's why ah want em." bashes her phone against her head repeatedly. Jen: "Are you okay?" Nikki: "AAAH! Hold on a sec." rushes to the front of the dressing room line. "Excuse me, what's the holdup here?" Kirsten: "They've been in there for a half hour!" yanks the door open, revealing Jason and Joanie making out. Nikki: "What do you think this is, the movie theater? Out out out! Aah! And what happened to the Marina Wolf fall sweater display?" Jen: "Hello?" Nikki: "There are sixes in with the twelves. That's like, six size differences in one pile. There's no order! According to the manual, it shoul–AAAH! Oh no. I'm turning into Chrissy." rips off her assistant manager badge. "NOOOOO!!!" ---- leads a blindfolded Caitlin through the mall amusement park. Kyle: "Hey, thanks for paying for dinner. I can't believe I forgot my wallet." Caitlin: "No problem. It was...interesting." belches. "Sorry. So, where are we going?" Kyle: "It's a surprise." leads her onwards. Jonesy and Wyatt walk past in the background, hidden behind a newspaper. Jonesy: "Hey, hurry up." and Caitlin have reached their destination. Caitlin: "Oh my gosh, this is so romantic! I've never been surprised before!" Kyle: the blindfold "Okay. Open your eyes." eyes open and she gasps. In front of her is the Vomit Comet. Kyle: "It's the biggest indoor rollercoaster in the world. And I've got free passes. We can ride all night!" gurgles and swallows heavily, trying to keep her dinner down. Caitlin: "Okay." and Kyle head onwards. She notices Jonesy and Wyatt, but the two swiftly sweep away, hiding behind a vendor cart. Jonesy looks up and notices the pretty girl tending it. Jonesy: "Hel-lo." Wyatt: "Stay focused, Jonesy." cars stop for the newest passengers. Kyle: "C'mon, gorgeous." Caitlin: "Okay. I would, but I get totally sick on rollercoasters." Kyle: "Huh, well, guess I'll just have to go alone then." Blonde Wave Girl: "You can sit with me." Caitlin: "I changed my mind! This isn't so big. I can do this." Kyle: "Let's take the front row. It's the best ride." Jonesy: "Time to move in." two swoop into the backmost seat of the coaster. Wyatt: "I thought rollercoasters made Caitlin sick." Jonesy: "Guess she got over it." ride starts. "Oh yeah! Here we go!" Caitlin: "What was the name of this ride again?" Kyle: "The Vomit Comet." coaster hits the top of the hill and drops, speeding up tremendously. It goes around the track and hits the first loop-de-loop. At the start of the loop, Caitlin gags, and she pukes at its peak. The vomit splashes down in a perfect line and intercepts the ride's trajectory perfectly, covering everyone but Caitlin in wet, yellow, stinky, disgusting half-digested food. Kyle: the ride pulls in to stop "What's your problem?" pukes all over him. "Aw, my new boot-cut chinos!" ---- of the patrons of the ride except Caitlin are covered in barf. Kyle looks at his pants, then at his date, and storms off angrily. Caitlin: "Kyle, wait up!" Jonesy: "Well. Our work here is done." ---- towels himself off and heads towards the vendor. Jonesy: "Hey there beautiful." Vendor Girl: him "Ew. Is that sushi?" leaves. Jonesy: "Dude, if I didn't stink of puke, I totally could have scored her." Wyatt: "Sure Jonesy." hear Caitlin. Caitlin: "Kyle don't go! But I barfed for you!" collapses on a bench and begins to cry. Jonesy and Wyatt come over to comfort her. "He said that was the worst date he's ever been on in his life! Guess I really messed up, huh?" Wyatt: "Hold on. Did he even ask you if you liked sushi? Or rollercoasters, for that matter?" Caitlin: "No, he didn't, actually." Jonesy: "Then he deserves to get chunks blown all over him. The guy's a jerk. You can do so much better." Caitlin: "What were you guys doing on the same ride as I was, anyway?" Jonesy: "We love rollercoasters." Wyatt: the same time as Jonesy "We were hanging out." Caitlin: "So you weren't checking up on me?" Jonesy: "Well, maybe a little. I can't help it, I hate that guy!" Caitlin: "Me too. I even borrowed this stupid dress just for him." a vomit stain "Oh no! The dress!" Jonesy: "No worries, I spent two days working at a dry cleaners once, remember?" Wyatt: "So, wanna go grab something to eat? I promise, nothing fishy." Caitlin: "Sure, but only if you guys change first. You reek." ---- Caitlin, Jude and Jen are at the table. Jonesy's phone rings. Jonesy: up "Hello?" Nikki: "Just calling to see if you and Caitlin got away with your little crime spree." Jonesy: "Nah, I got fired. I tried to clean it last night but the thing stunk up the whole store. Turns out that sushi barf is pretty permanent." Caitlin: "Aw, I'm so sorry." Jonesy: her off "Whatever. I wasn't that good at makeovers anyway. Everyone ended up looking like Gollum." Jude: "I liked that dude." Jonesy: "Jude." Jude: "Dude." bump fists. Wyatt arrives with a burger and fries. Jen: "What, no sushi today, Mr. Sophisticated?" Jonesy: "Do not say that word while we're eating." Wyatt: "You know, I never really liked sushi that much anyway. Somehow this just tastes...better." Jude: "Y'see? Soul food. Toldja man." Jen: "Jonesy! Phone." tosses it her way. "So Nik, are we gonna let Kyle get away with being such a major jerk?" Nikki: "Don't worry. He won't be getting many dates in the near future." a customer, overly enthusiastic "Wow! It's like they were meant for your body!" Kyle: ill-fitting pants "You don't think they're too tight? Or too high-cut?" Nikki: "Oh, trust me. Girls love that look! You'll be beating them off with a stick." Kyle: "Cool. I'll take two." walks off to get the second pair. As she does, she passes Chrissy and clicks her tongue. Chrissy just gapes, amazed that Nikki was able to sell Kyle such horrible pants. Category:Season 1